I stopped updating this blog because of our experience with Everett in October of 2011. I just didn't know how to journal about this. I have a year and a half behind this now and I feel like it is worth telling, worth remembering and worth reliving from time to time. So here it goes.
He was 19 months old. We wound up in the hospital, not knowing what was wrong with him and ended up being investigated by Child Protective Services for suspected child abuse. It was a very difficult experience for me, and for my husband and I as parents. It is not something I'm proud of in the least. This happened to us because of a collective sequence of events coupled with behavior I took for granted in Everett.
One Sunday, after a morning spent at Church and then getting haircuts for the kids and Frank, we decided to drop in on Frank's parent's house for lunch. They had a house guest at the time but were more than happy to receive us as well.
The kids needed a lunch so once we got there, one of the first things we did was sit them down at the kitchen table to eat something. While the kids ate at the table, the house guest sat with them as Mom and I worked on my first pie crust making lesson. I was learning how to make apple pie from scratch. All this is to say that neither of us were around the kids at the table, and while the house guest was there at the table she was talking with Mom and I.
After lunch the kids played toys and in Grandma's garden. Frank and his Dad kept an eye on the kids as all us ladies kept to pie making in the kitchen.
Everett was due for a nap, but he was really amped and needed to burn some energy - in my eyes. So I took him for a little walk around the exterior of the house. Frank's parents have a tri-level home on the side of a hill. You walk down a flight of steps on the front side and up a hill on the back side. Everett and I did this walk maybe for a half an hour. It was like nothing I've ever experienced with him. He had so much energy and was insistent on repeating the process of walking this circle around the house so many times. I thought it odd.
Finally I put my foot down and brought him inside. It was time for nap. Period. So we set up a make shift crib in the parents room and put Emily in their big bed, with Everett on the floor surrounded by a baby gate. "Go to sleep."
Everett threw a fit. Crying, crying, crying. I went in there several times to try to calm and sooth him. I would get him quiet, set him down and he'd freak. I'd back off and think to let him cry it out. I tried all of our little tricks to get him to calm, sang every song in the book, gave him some milk. I tried EVERYTHING. Nothing worked. By this time it was nearly 4pm. Normally, wake up time. He was frazzled and I was exhausted. We decided staying there was a bust and we should just give up and go home. We were hoping to be able to stay for dinner and enjoy their company some more - but it just wasn't happening.
We thought maybe he'd fall asleep in the car, but he didn't. We got home and I tried putting him down again, thinking maybe, in his own bed..., but no. He was crazed. Couldn't sit still, wouldn't lie down. He was literally bouncing off the walls. Didn't know what to do with himself. We drove him around in the car, trying to lull him to bed, we played outside but the whole time he just cried. He needed the activity, and cried whenever he stopped moving.
Meanwhile, I'm still trying to go about our regular routine and make dinner and get everybody ready for bed. Frank helping me any way he could. By 8pm, which is the kids bedtime, we tried again to get him to bed. He was spazzing out big time and I honestly thought he was just over tired and once he fell asleep he would be back to normal. With the kids in their room; Emily trying to sleep and Everett wiggin' out, Frank and I had a disagreement about what should be done. Frank wanted me to take Everett to the ER and find out what was wrong. I felt like I was right, Everett needed to just suck it up and go to sleep and everything would be fine. I even told Frank that I knew better then him because I was with the kids all the time and he wasn't. This was a ridiculous thing for me to say, but I really didn't want to have to go to the ER. It's hours of time, and in the past, I've felt like the time was wasted.
Inevitably, Everett and I went. I bundled him up in a blanket and we went to the ER, just Everett and I. By this time it was maybe 9:30. I was able to get Everett to keep calm but he wouldn't sit still, he would move constantly, even in the waiting room. They took us in pretty quickly. They made me take him out of his clothes and eventually brought down a gown from pediatrics for him to wear. He was giving me a lot of work, trying to keep him entertained. Didn't like anything I had to offer him. We had to do all the vitals tests, then they started trying to draw blood. He put up a huge fight and was freakishly strong. So they gave him an oral sedative and we waited for it to take effect and tried again. The sedative didn't work. They came back and injected him with one instead. It calmed him a little but the minute the nurses entered the room he would freak out again. I told the Doctor, I just wanted to understand what was wrong with my son. Why won't he sleep? They were just gonna run through standard tests. They wanted his blood and urine. Then they would go from there. I had complete trust in the Doctor, I just wanted to get my son home and in bed. It took a long time for them to manage to get the blood and the urine samples. It broke my heart to do it to Everett. He was terrified and kept looking at me like; why are you doing this to me? They had to restrain him to get the urine sample. They brought down a board for stabilizing trauma patients and velcro-ed Everett to it. I lost it. I just couldn't keep it together and started balling my eyes out. I couldn't look Everett in the eyes any more. They told me to go to the waiting room and come back when I was calm. I felt like the worst Mother in the world in that moment. There was no support for me in that room. I had to take a breather and give myself a little pep talk. The minute I was in the waiting room, I had it out with myself. I'm not doing Everett any good in here. I had to be there for him, to reassure him that what was happening he wasn't gonna go through alone. After that moment I didn't let myself cry again. I marched myself back into that room and held his hand and talked to him while they got the samples they needed.
I'll never forget this moment for as long as I live. I started to tell Everett all the things we were gonna do when he was better. We were gonna swing on his playground and slide, we were gonna watch his favorite show on TV, we were gonna eat lots of macaroni and cheese. We just had to get through this together.
I would ask him questions like; "Do you like Dora?" and he would look up and me and in a very whiny voice say "I want to watch Dora." Sobbing, crying. "Do you want to see Daddy?" and Everett would say "Yes, Daddy!" - oh it broke my heart. Over and over I was telling myself not to cry.
After the samples were drawn we had to wait for them to be processed. I tried my best to get Everett to sleep. He was exhausted and very sup-suppy from all the crying. I carried him next to my shoulder and we walked the corridor of the ER several times over. I was singing to him and rubbing his back. He was calm but still very much awake. He just couldn't close his eyes. At around 1am we were still waiting for test results. The Doctor came to me and checked on Everett. He said that the next test he wanted to do was a spinal tap. He thought maybe it could be meningitis. Oh, I was so scared. I just wanted everything better. I said OK. They brought in a numbing cream and spread it on his back, then covered it with plastic wrap and tape to keep it there. I called Frank and told him, I needed him to come down. I couldn't keep doing it by myself. So Frank called his Dad and came as soon as Dad got to our house to stay with Emily. I was still walking the corridors with Everett when Frank arrived and I just told him to keep walking and holding Everett and I took a break. The Doctor came into the room once more to check on us. Said the blood and urine should be back soon and they were just waiting for someone from Pediatrics to do the spinal tap. Ugh. It was awful. So we kept waiting. Everett was calm and drowsy but very wakeful. He couldn't stay asleep for very long. I took over holding him but just sat in a chair and kept him calm. The Doctor came in and said he needed to ask us some questions.
He said that Everett had tested positive for Amphetamine in his urine. He asked us if we took drugs, did we have any drugs in the house. He looked at us as if we were the lowest people. He thought we went in there pretending innocence when in his eyes, we were most likely irresponsible users who couldn't keep their stash out of reach. It felt horrible. I explained as calmly as I could that we had no drugs of THAT kind in our home. He had to explain what it was used for. He said it could have been in any prescription drugs. We don't take any, but then I thought about how Frank's parents do. They both do. I also started thinking about how he could have gotten a hold of one and I realized what might have happened. I asked Frank to call his Dad and find out if any of their drugs had the drug in them. Turns out one did. Then we asked, where it was kept, and that's how we were able to piece it all together. I told the Doctor what we think happened and he relaxed towards us a little.
All the facts have since been pieced together and this IS what happened; The pill Everett took was called Dextro-amphetamine. It is an 18 hour release tablet for the treatment of Narcolepsy and by the time we sorted all this out, it had been over 12 hours. It was well into his system so they couldn't pump his stomach. Typically when we go to Frank's folks house they move the lazy susan with all their medicine off the kitchen table. Since we just showed up unannounced, this precaution wasn't taken. They have several different things to take and sometimes those pills get left out as a reminder. My own grandparents did this as well. It serves as a visual reminder. The pill in question was left out in this way and it looks kind of like a candy. While the kids sat at the table eating lunch, I'm pretty sure Everett saw it, grabbed it and ate it without anyone noticing. It makes a lot of sense because not long after his energy level went up and he was really amped. After explaining all this to our Doctor he told us he still had to report it. He also had to check with the staff social worker to see if we could take Everett home with us. They were possibly going to take him away from us. I was terrified of this but I knew in my heart that we were innocent and there was no one to blame for this, and that it just, happened. I also knew that the Doctors in an ER see this all the time. People come in and present a picture of themselves, and then that picture unravels as you find out the truth. It's disheartening I'm sure. Then there's the Social Workers who have to see it all the time. The children are brought in, some of them for the worst kind of reasons. It has to be disenchanting to see the ugliest things every day. I don't blame these people for looking at us with suspicion.
As I said, once we explained to the Doctor what we thought happened, he relaxed towards us. He said; if this had been another kind of pill, Everett could have died. If it weren't a time release tablet, he could have gone into cardiac arrest. We were so very close to having something very tragic happen to us, and we knew it. After the Doctor left I turned to Frank, with Everett in his arms and I begged for forgiveness. I didn't want to go to the hospital for this, I didn't take it seriously and Everett could have died. In that moment I knew I could never take any of this for granted. I knew that it happened for a reason, maybe several. I don't know what they are. It is just part of our journey.
We were able to take Everett home with us. We were released by 6am. It took until noon for him to finally sleep, then he was finally getting to be more like himself. My little Prince.
Everett, when you are older and reading this, perhaps as a young parent, like we are right now, I want you to remember something important. Love is what got us all through this night. Even though there was a moment when I doubted my own endurance, when I questioned your Dad, and when I took for granted your ability to pick up anything and put it in your mouth, none of it mattered once I walked back into that hospital room and told myself to be there for you. To love you through this ordeal and keep you calm. Baby, I would do so many things differently, if I ever had a chance to do it over. Yet, I hold you a little tighter, kiss you more often and tell you I love you more than once a day. I'm not sure if I could have done anything differently to change what happened, but I certainly loved you differently after. Both of you kids.
We were investigated by Child Protective services, a process of phone interviews and in-home assessments. I forget how long after, we received a letter that the case was dismissed and the charges were unfounded. The agent said he wished all his cases were like this one. I certainly don't feel like Mother of the Year every day, but I do feel like this overall experience has taught me more about myself and caused me to be a better Mother and a better wife. As if I didn't know already how precious this life was - I needed to be reminded. Hard. Lesson Learned.
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| Everett; the day after. |
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